Here Durgadas talks about the goddess Kali and her powerful nature in our lives and also his spiritual experiences with Shiva, the Divine Yogi.

I.
BEYOND THE STORM: THE TRANSFORMATIONAL NATURE OF KALI

By Durgadas, Ved Kovid.

(c) Arogya Ayurvedic Health Ltd

In the world today, people often struggle with their emotional concept of “Spirituality” along with their materialistic lifestyles and desires of health, wealth, education, relationships and other such worldly matters. When things don’t go their way, they seek to blame the Divine, rather than seek to merely play out the consequences of their own karmas, and follow the grace of the Divine!

Nirriti, the Goddess of death, destruction and decay, known in Tantrism as Dhumawati, the crone aspect of the goddess Kali, is one feared by many. She represents the death of all of that which the ego holds as great by destroying all of these.

Yet, there is a deeper teaching here. She represents the higher concept of Self-awareness, where true relationships are not material, but the relationship between the individual and the Divine, or in other words, the Jivatman (Individual soul) and it’s true nature in the Paramatman (Supreme Soul) or in the Supreme itself. She represents that true education is not mere book-knowledge, but Atmajnana, the Self-wisdom through which we gain eventual Moksha or release from the world of rebirth (samsara). She shows us that true wealth (dhana) is that of knowing the Self.

Yet, people still crave the desires of the mind-body complex, due to identification with the body and their current form – merely a temporal result of their selected karmas (prarabdha karmas) out of their accumulated karmas of the past or collective karmas (sanchita karmas). They entangle themselves in this temporal complex, gaining more karmas for the future (kriyamaana karmas).

I will here start two personal incidences relating to Planet Saturn (Shani). The first takes place in Rajasthan in Northern India, in a town of Jaipur, the Capital City, where my family is from.

Outside our Hotel, I saw a man doing hasta rekha (Hindu palmistry), a so-called famous Jyotishi or Astrologer and so took my chances to get a reading from this so-called reputed man. The Jyotishi began telling many facts about my life that did not seem to stack up - and then mentioned that I should strengthen the energy of Shani or Saturn by wearing Neelam (Sapphire Stone), which I knew was already strong in my chart and hance dangerous to wear for me!

I felt somehow uneasy about what the Jyotishi was saying, and disagreed. Still, the Jyotishi keep prodding, saying that he alone was right. At that moment started to feel faint and ill - at which I conveyed to him and said I needed to go inside and rest (I had food poisoning at the time)the Jyotishi told me "you are fine!".

Suddenly, the I fell to the ground and passed out. Saturn had here intervened to show him the effects of what would happen I he was to wear Neelam, as well as to destroy the puffed up Ego of the Jyotishi - who was now shocked by this, as others crowded around me now lying on the ground, unconsciousness, with blood coming from my face. At the time naturally, again, I thought I was going to die and remained for some time with severe concussion. This incident later affected my memory capacity somewhat (which I was able to regain through Ayurved), which also reiterated to me the impermanent nature of the body and mind complex!

One of my oldest sadhaks or spiritual aspirants who had travelled with me to India, Kalidas, was there also. He actually had questioned why I had taken to be so material as to want to know my so-called future from a Jyotishi, as I could do it myself!

It was a good question! Kalidas has been connected to Kali and hence the name I had given. Taradasi, another devotee of the Goddess, of whom I had named after the second Mahavidya (Great Wisdom) form of Kali, Tara, has also been a great guide and inspiration. I have often seen my own sadhaks as being just as much my teachers, as I have been their guides,  requiring them to go beyond and allow the Goddess to manifest and unfold in their lives also. Often through them I have also seen the gentle guiding hand of the Goddess, when the rajas, the natural creative energy of the world as desire possesses me, to restore me to my senses! The human body has multiple failings due to the gross manifested sensory faculties it possesses!

It is arrogant to think on a physical level, with gross material bodies, that we are immune to even spiritual attacks, and also we see so many Gurus of the world fall into the traps of rajas or desire - whether it be for wealth, fame and popularity etc. All such manifestations are the surges of the Ahamkara or the Ego, and all such manifestations are put to rest by Kali or Saturn, who shun these forms of arrogance by harsh lessons! We just need to be awake to her energies to perceive them!

It is arrogant to think we can even appease Shani or Saturn by merely wearing stones and such - outer aspects of Ego and display, when what he represents, is a return to the Self, through negating outer limitations and burdens of man, just as it is arrogant for a man to think he can dictate the fate of others - which can be changed, as noted in this instance. Even famous Astrologers admit that charts are a mere road-map alone. There are many routes to me made or changed, if one takes up Yoga and does so.

It is also arrogance for one to try and gain knowledge of his future for material purposes, when the Self alone is the highest purpose of life. Shani destroys one's surroundings at times to return us to the place we were before bondage - without care for the world and material desires, as the Self, one with the Nirguna Brahman (Formless Brahman).

On my first trip to India learning Ayurveda however, I had come under the same fate - and again after a discussion about Shani! I had just lectured some Ayurvedic students and patients about the effects of Saturn and how we need to be cautious and work with his energies, including my own previous bad fate regarding Shani and being accident-prone (I gave up Martial Arts at a young age due to accidental injuries). As always in India - the power went out, and it was raining heavily. I went to go downstairs and slipped down the tiled staircase to the bottom, rendering myself in a state of breathlessness and little consciousness.  I was taken to a therapy room and examined, where it was determined I had fractured my left rib. This gave much agony for the weeks of training, however reminded me of the impermant nature of the body. It also served to show me the power of Ayurvedic therapies upon my own body, so that I could relay to others however and better ways to get around things. The best examples as Ayurvedic Practitioners, are our own experiences and sufferings, allowing us to gain deeper insights into going beyond them!

As a result of this lesson, today, I am quite successful in treating fractures through Ayurvedic therapies and have used them on numerous occassions with great results!

This is the lesson I had learnt from Saturn's grace to me and also through Kali, who he is strongly connected to. Saturn is Shiva's form as Mahakala (Great Time) and the god of higher death of the Ego in Hinduism, and Mahakali or Kali his spouse. Saturn or Mahakala is connected to Yamaraja, the Hindu god of death (mrityu) who represents the death of the physical body. Mahakala or Saturn (Shani) however as his brother and enemy, represents the great-death (hence is called Mahamrityunjaya, or Victory over Great-Death), which is that of the Ego and represents taking us beyond (physical realities of) death, into the Supreme Self or Consciousness, representing the 'death' of samsara (rebirth) and it's terrible cycle of suffering.

For this reason, Mahakala and Kali are seen holding a severed human head, representing the Ego or Ahamkara, the I-ness that causes us to attach to name, body, forms and other social conditioning of the bound soul. They help release us from it, and connect to Indra the deity of the Rig Veda, who with his Vajra or Thunderbolt, slays his father, Vritra (Obstruction). The Upanishads tell us that Father means the Mind (or Ego) complex, the great barrier in attaining Self-realisation or going beyond the manifest world into the unmanifest Self-world. We require the teaching of Saturn or kali to go beyond and transform us.

In the Hindu Puranas or mythology and history texts (Purana means 'old' or 'ancient'), Mahakala as Shiva is seen as defeating Yamaraja or the god of death, thus freeing his devotees from his clutches. In other tales he actually kills Yamaraja, hence his title Mahamrityunjaya and Mahakala. Yamaraja represents Kala or time, whereas Shani is Mahakala, the Great Time of Eternity. Once we get over the physical death, we can truly embrace Kali and Mahakala or Saturn and his energies, which requires us to contemplate the death of the Ego-complex which exists beyond the physical body, in the realities of bound existance in subtle (sookshma) and also causal (kaarana) bodies also.

Kali as the great Goddess of Transformation however, specifically represents the Shakti or power of planet Saturn (Shani) which seeks to return us to the Self. She creates many great Yogis by driving them inwards by eliminating their material surroundings and upsetting their Egos, so that they start to ponder the deeper mysteries behind creation and the cause of sufferings (duhkha), not merely be content with nature and life as it is. By doing so, she removes us from the world and makes us ponder the true reality of the Self.

She is the Mother Supreme that chastises the child when he does wrong, so that he does not err again. The excuse “To err is human” is a rather scapegoat phrase as per Vedanta or Hindu theology, since we bind ourselves to thinking we are merely human – but we are not! We are an infinite Consciousness and our true nature is merely obscured by the Ahamkara or false-ego complex, which causes us to identify with the human body, rather than our true Being.

In my younger years, at around 15 to 16 years of age, I began to have strange tendencies towards seeking about the Goddess and Tantra, especially Kali. I cannot say exactly what prompted this, except that it was a natural flow or power that came over me and began to have serious implications in my life.

My Mother was a strange mix of Arya Samaj, a reformist aspect of Hinduism that defied superstition and also Tantric Shaktism on her mother’s side, which revered the Goddess as Power, especially in the forms of Durga and Saraswati.

Although she had an image (murthi) of the Goddess Saraswati, she refrained from its worship, due to her father’s influence of the Arya Samaj, which rejected such. She had a great inner sense of power however and the siddhi or mystic power of the Gayatri mantra, the sacred mantra to the Hindus which she used to worship Saraswati.

During my initial periods of Kali-worship, I was awakened at nights to the sounds of drums and a dark figure walking around in the house. I remember getting up and seeing women dressed in red Saris (female Indian dress, like a toga) with drums worshipping Kali. It was terrifying for me at the time, and I later learnt that these were Dakinis or the servants of the Goddess, and also her devotees in human forms, such as Yoginis. It was as if one had entered into a more subtle state of consciousness or world, whilst still having the same familiar surroundings, as if transformed!

Such visions continued and my interest in the Goddess continued and I began devoting time to Sri Ramakrishna, the great devotee of the Goddess Kali in the 18^th Century and his works. The Goddess pulled me in, as if in an hypnotic trance.

My Mother of course was very angry at this. She feared Kali and stated we would lose everything if I worshipped Kali, and never explained why. During this period, friends of ours, Pentecostal Christians also succeeded in temporarily converting her to Christianity, at which time her little faith in the Goddess turned and flew into an abnormal rage!

One night, I clearly remember as she was arguing with me and abusing the greatness of Kali, objects on the TV flew off and landed in the centre of the room (and this was not the result of earthquakes!).  Items at the back of our stair-cupboard also flew forwards and landed on the ground for no apparent reason. This also caused her to further discount the Goddess and began her Christian Crusade, as I call it – but my faith in Kali was not deterred, in fact – stronger!

I am not sure to this day the reason of these happenings, as such things occurred during such insults against the Goddess, and could have been a result of psycho-kinesis brought on by me also, not necessarily an outside power.

One night, the dark shadowy figure with long hair (Kali), I remember, came into my room and began to strangle me. I couldn’t breathe and began to fear for my life – but was paralysed and unable to scream. I feared death! I began chanting the mantra “Raam! Raam!” and the figure vanished.

I was now wide-awake, and knew it was not a dream. My heart was pounding and thumping fast – so much I thought it may jump out at any moment.

I began to ponder the Self, as in the Upnishads, the sacred texts dealing with Self-realisation and the impermanent nature of the body. If the Goddess had wanted me to start pondering death – then certainly she’d gone about it the right way!

This was my introduction to the Goddess, which lead me to take up temporarily the Vamamarga or Left-hand Path, worshipping the goddess with Wine and Flesh. I began partaking in raw flesh after offering it to the Goddess, and started to see many things as but manifestations of Kali, rather than giving them names as such. Kali in the flower; Kali in the wood of the table and so on.

Ironically in later years, my mother got over her fixation about Kali and admitted that she used to enjoy tales about Durga and the Goddesses from the Puranas, the ancient history texts of India on her maternal side (my Nani or maternal grandmother, who was strongly connected to Devi), but her father would not allow it. It was almost as if her dark repressive side of her mind from Nana (my paternal Grandfather) had vanished and allowed her true past impressions or samskaras to unfold.

I do remember however, that she had always maintained an interesting story regarding my birth, after several miscarriages. She told me that when pregnant with me, she would feel a surge of energy in the base of her spine that she felt would rise, and felt the need to ground herself. She explained that it was Kundalini. There were other visions she had had also, but she never discussed them. When she snapped out of her phase she admitted that she had always known that I would take up the Vedic sciences and encouraged me to do so even more, and not to give up (a contrast from the past)!

She and my father also related that when I was a baby, a strange presence would enter my room, and feared there were Bhoots (ghosts) about there. It would apparantely be smelt, heard walking and also upset our dog, Karla, who always seemed to protect me well when I was young, despite being quite a violent guard-dog in herself! At about the age of two, I clearly remember one of my first visions to this day - my Nani (maternal grandmother) who had passed on, and saw her come to me and say "goodbye, beta!", surrounded by a large misty-white hue. A couple of hours later, my parents got a call that she had passed on, and my Mother told me, of which I replied "ha - main janta hoon! (Yes, I know!)" and related the vision.

She began to take up Shakti sadhana or the spiritual practices of the Goddess and started having more of her own spiritual visions, including those of Dhumawati, the crone aspect of Kali mentioned earlier, who I was much connected to of all forms of Kali, along with the headless goddess, Chinnamasta. These three (Kali, Dhumawati and Chinnamasta) are my three main chosen deities to this day!

One Saturday, my mother started going through very tough times socially. I advised her to appease Shani or Saturn as also through the worship of the goddess and the Navarna mantra (Om Aim Hreem Kleem Chamundayai Vicche) of which she was an adept in. She also started worshipping Hanumaan, the monkey-God.

It was a strange day, as she cooked a dish of Karela, or Indian Bitter Gourd (one of my least favourite dishes) and others she had not done for years. We talked for some time about worries and the Goddess. I took her pulse and advised her to still her mind, or she would suffer a stroke.

How correct could I be! Two days later, I received a call from my father that she was unconscious and there we no results from the Hospital as yet. Taking her pulse again at the hospital while she was unconscious, I saw my Nani (maternal grandmother) in the form of a Yogini, as also with Kali and her own astral body, standing and looking over the “corpse” (she was clinically dead and kept of life support). I detected there was a head-injury or stroke as through her pulse and that she was dead, although the hospital staff still suspected cardiac arrest. After they had scanned her however, it turned out she had suffered a major cerebral haemorrhage.

Naturally, the loss of one’s Mother can be a terrible thing – but Kali again reiterated to me the greatness of the power of death and the impermanent nature of the world and the body. Our surroundings change. Our bodies are born, live, decay and die and we assume another life. It is the cycle of life and death, the cosmic balance which is required for transmigration of souls.

Our new bodies we assume are but another layer in our cosmic lives, so that we can have opportunities to better ourselves. Bodies are temporal and are no more than vessels that contain the astral and causal bodies, wherein lies the Soul, detached, free and beyond all bodies, limitations and karmic implications.

This was also only the start of this flow for me. A year after my Mother's death, a massive quake struck, which damaged two buildings with people trapped - including one where she used to have her TV Segment on a weekly basis, killing three of her close colleagues who were present and spoke at her funeral a year earlier!

My father, nearing 80, also decided to marry a woman even younger than my Mother - and younger than my sister, not long after her death, which also showed me how life changes and the various stages we have, which are like various lifetimes we have. Although initally struggling with the moralistic issues of such a union, I began to embrace it, and now love my step-Mother and her family, seeing her as also expressions of the Divine Mother.

We all now honour my Mother as a manifestation of the Goddess, and through her various stages, became my first Guru in this life, teaching me the secret sadhana or practice of Goddess Saraswati and the Gayatri mantra she had the special benefic power and grace of in her life. Since her casting off her mortal form, I have also received a new fresh guidance from her of insights - beyond the phsical limitations she formally had! I see her as a manifestation of Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth and material energy or rajas of the Goddess, which she showed through both her name, life and traits, as also her name being attributed to such by my Nani after her being seen as a material blessing to the family in her own right and issues and signs that manifested at her own birth.

After her blessings, I gained a deeper insight into the Vedic deities and the correspondences between the Mahavidya goddesses and the Vedic deities, including seeing her as Danu, the spouse of the demon Vritra in the Vedas, as a form of the great Rahu and her deeper symbolism and significance as the great-grandmother spirit. She is the form of Kali that represents paratamas or the Supreme quality of tamas or darkness as Primal Void or Chaos, before creation. She is Kali as the greatest teacher!

Kali teaches us to go beyond ordinary worldly sattvas or purity and to embrace parasattvas or the highest transcendental sattvas beyond the (manifest) world(s). Even the Devas or Gods are attached to orthodoxy and ordinary sattvas, which becomes manifested as tamasic-sattvas or dark, blind or physical (stagnating) sattvas, which the Supreme is beyond. This is the highest teaching of Kali and helps us make the transformation within ourselves and also see others as but mere expressions of her energy alone, not as labelled sattvic or pure, as rajasic or worldly or tamasic or ignorant in the social sphere alone, but as manifestations of the Paragunas or higher aspects of these qualities that lies in her transcendental nature and only but manifested on this physical world and dream-spectrum temporal reality we call as "creation"!

It is often for this reason that many Bhakti or devotional movements in Hinduism, following the path of Dvaita or dualistic theism (Vedanta) often create many dogmas, as they are lost in a sthaulika or tamasic meaning a more physical-stagnating or ignorant-dogmatic social type of devotionalism that they cannot see their Deity in all, but their Deity alone as the Supreme, such as (sadly, I have to say is the common norm) in Semitic faiths. Advaita or non-dualistic Vedanta, as in the path of the Goddess requires encompassing all rather than rejecting all or the rationalistic selection process, as it sees all as but a manifestation of Divine Energy, as form of but different expressions of the ONE, not the ONE  as Supreme alone in a dogmatic fashion (as with One Name, One Book, One Prophet, One Philosophy or One Teaching for all dogmas). This is also why Shiva and Kali lie beyond creation and the world of Brahma the Creator-God representing the material energy (of the physical, astral and causal worlds) and his Brahmin or Priestly caste with their petty outer ritualism and social dogmas, as the social caste system.

This is seen in all Tantric and Yogic sects in India, which, from the time of the Vedas, sought to transcend these and go beyond crude ritualism into the Supreme Self-Consciousness. Of course, ritualism is necessary in the preliminary stages of human psychological and sattvic development, just as we require maps before we can drive to unknown destinations unguided, or as we first require to be able to swim before crossing the ocean - lest we drown!

Kali gives us many life-long lessons, but often as a storm, in a short-space of time, as it as series of events on a movie-screen - such as life actually merely is!

Kali is she who creates storms in our lives – but through such storms, we can see the nourishment and growth that we require spiritually. Only through tough life lessons of karma, and letting our prarabdha flow naturally and allowing Kali, the power of Saturn to unfold it, can we learn to sit back and merely witness it. We cannot force the flow, and we should not try and clutter our lives with more material associations and causes.

Today we see many so-called social-causes around the world that people become engrossed in for more material rather than spiritual gain. People get ‘married’ to Nationalist ideals and also other temporal fixations. People get caught up easily in the social sphere.

The best cause however as Kali teaches us, is to go within and contemplate the Self. All of these 'causes' of the world were there in our past lives and will be there when we gain new bodies. They keep us entangled as people get too caught up emotionally in them. Go beyond emotions and realise the Atman or the Self. Then start your causes with a detached attitude!

This is the true meaning of Maya or Illusory energy – that creation itself is but a reflection of the Self and shall always be temporal and impermanent, as it is changing all the time, as also through the Yugas or world-ages. 

As an example, just days before Guru Poornima in 2013, the day on which the Guru is honoured, here in NZ, we saw our Capital City, the seat of the Govt. rattled by a large quake. Hindu tradition tells us not to disrespect or disregard Gurus, as one of the greater crimes. Western nations do this all the time, as does the world today. It is therefore not surprising to see these occurrences in strong Shani or Saturn periods, who unleashes collective karma also, through his Shakti or power, the Goddess Kali.

Rather than being sorrowful and pitying ourselves in disasters in our lives and dwelling on them, we need to throw out this largely Semitic-based philosophy and replace it with one of Self-responsibility due to our own karmas, individually and collectively, such as Kali shows with her stern gaze.

We have a culture of taking for granted what we learn from Gurus, Acharyas  or Teachers of all kinds and also elders such as parents. In the West, we throw them in rest homes when they get older, and families squabble over their possible future inheritance.

The best remedy is to start living a more sattvic or pure lifestyle in harmony with Nature, and also helping others to do so also, as we can do in Yoga and in sciences such as Ayurveda, the spiritual medical system of India, which teaches us to how live in harmony with nature and the seasons, climates, transition of ages and so on. It teaches us how to embrace Kali’s Shakti or energy, rather than go on a material rampage to fight against it – as we cannot win!

We need to live with The Mother Divine, not against her, or she, as a good Mother does, will always chastise us!

Humans need to learn to let go of their egos that they are the only beings on this planet and start to respect fellow-beings, as also Mother Nature herself.

Kali is most merciful, but also the great teacher who bursts our egos if we get to engrossed in the Aham-kara (I-nness) as opposed to the true Aham (I-AM), that of the Self or Atman!

II:
SHIVA, THE DIVINE INNER GURU

“The drop of Soma (immortal elixir) smashes down all the Cities, and the Lord of the Sense-Organs (Indra) is the friend of the Munis (silent sages)."
 - Rig Veda.VII.17.14

Lord Shiva, the great Yogi-God of ancient India and is also the representative of the Supreme Inner Consciousness, or the Atman (Self) in Hinduism. The great God has appeared to many Yogis and holy me in India for thousands of years in numerous forms.

Upon my encountering Kali, I also encountered Shiva also. I felt somehow I had a strange connection to the God, but could not pin-point it. I loved hearing Shiva bhajans or songs to Shiva as also his Panchakshara or Five-syllabled mantra, Om Namah Shivaaya which, in my earlier years, I used to chant in Hindi pronunciation, later shifting to the proper Sanskrit (Hindi language often drops the final short “a” vowel at the end of words as in Sanskrit; where it is pronounced, it is written as a long “a”).

I remember my first vision of Shiva, which came at around 17 years of age.  I had worshipped the God much and he appeared in a Yogic vision where I would often go deep into a Yogic trance or state, from which I would find difficultly in coming out of.

I was in the Himalayas with Shiva and he asked me to come forward, and sat me on his right knee, with Ganesha, the elephant-headed son on his left knee, and his wife, Parvati, a benign aspect of Kali to his left. Skanda or Karttikeya, the Hindu god of war and his other son was running around. 

I asked him “Who am I?”. He smiled, as if to give an answer and then replied “You are my son!”.

As a novice on the path, I prodded, “But Ganesh and Skand are your sons!”, as I watched the playful Skand run about as a child and Ganesh silently sitting next to me. He merely smiled and patted my shoulder, as if to say “you will one day know what I mean!”.

This is quite symbolic, which at the time, I had no idea of. Ganesh is born from Parvati, which forms the left side of Shiva, the feminine and lunar energy of Shiva. Skand is born from the right of Shiva, often his third eye, representing Fire and Sun as the masculine principle. In essence, we are all forms of Skanda or Agni (Fire), as souls all waiting to be reunited with Shiva, the Cosmic Fire of Consciousness or Self-Awareness:

“Other fires are merely your branches - all those who are immortal, take delight in you, O Agni. You are the centre of mortals, Cosmic Man, supporting people like a deep pillar.”
- Rig Veda.I.59.1

After this, I began to see myself as a symbolic form of Batuka-Bhairava, the Boy-Bhairava or Wrathful form of Shiva, who combines the energies of both Shani or Saturn as Mahakala and also the wrathful (Bhairava, Ghora) aspect of Karttikeya or Skand, the fiery son of Shiva, combining the Saturnian and Martian energies in a more Saturnian nature. I began to see the world as Kali and Shiva's cremation ground. As a result, my detached nature towards the world and relationships was heightened. My personality is also largely that of Kala-Bhairava, combining the detached energies of Saturn and the wrathful energies of Mars, which often became a burden in conveying spiritual concepts, insights, realisations and experiences to people, especially the more materialistic and people not aquainted with spirituality or so in a superficial manner, due to the more subtle and detached nature.

As a result of this, my parents began to think I had some kind of personality disorder! I preferred solitude, and began to spend much time alone - which are the earlier periods of my life where I did much sadhana or spiritual practice, often devoted for hours in pooja or ritualistic offerings, prayer, meditation and mantras. I desired at many points to leave for India and join an ashram or monastery, or to live alone in a cave, possessing nothing. My Mother used to say that I was mad. Perhaps to her, this was so. But, the previous experiences had driven me inwards, and there was now no changing that!

Over time, I began to use a more "grounding" force - that representing the more gross manifestation of the Mahat (Cosmic Intellect) in localised form - the influence of Planet Jupiter, the Planet of Guidance which connects to the Priest of the Gods (Brihaspati) and also Ganesh, the elephant-headed son of Ganesh. Such a planet helps us convey or connect more subtle and causal teachings on a more sthula or physical-manifested (or tamasic) level. Not descending to such a manifest level is sometimes why many Yogis prefer to remain aloof from society and send their disciples into the world with their teachings, to manifest or make them "descend" or in literal forms that people can understand for example. This is why many great Masters are often misunderstood, as speaking from a higher level of (Shiva) Consciousness. We cannot take their words literally - but symbolically, as they speak in Atmabhava or in the Self-Awareness State.

At another time, I was meditating, silently repeating the Panchakshara mantra to Shiva, when I saw myself as Shiva, floating across the clouds, as if flying yogically. I seemed to be in Akaksha or Ether / Space, the higher sky, and felt freed from my body. This connected me to Shiva and the Maruts, the ethereal and lightening-Gods of the Vedas where Shiva is known as Indra (Master of the Senses). The Maruts are later the Yogis or Siddhas that follow Shiva in later India and form various Yogic and Tantric orders, North and South.

One of the strangest things was the Yogi I had seen on a mountain years ago, thinking it was Lahiri Mahasaya of Paramhansa Yogananda’s fame, saying "Minanathji" as founder of our Yoga lineage when asking him, after a long awaited patience, as if he was thinking of something to say, but later bore more a striking resemblance to Vasishtha Ganapati Muni, of whom later blessed me with the mantra to the headless form of Kali, Chinnamasta and her Chinnamasta mantra with my eye infection and cured it, where the room lit up with yellow-light one night. Upon awakening, the eye infection had gone, and never reoccurred again!

The former vision however,  was odd. I remember being seated on a Mountain somewhere in India, and the man speaking.  The Yogi taught me khechari mudra (and inner Yoga practice by folding the tongue to pierce the Som or Amrit, the immortal nectar in the soft palate), which I had not heard about before this and curled his hands upwards (which, from this moment onwards in Yoga, I automatically did, as if he had awakened something from the past within me). He said this would help in liberation. He then took me to where other Yogis were seated about, of which it was then night-time around a large dhuni or sacred fireplace.

There were several sadhus (Hindu Yogis who dress and have matted locks like Shiva) seated about and one who danced around the Fireplace and didn’t say anything. He beckoned me to sit down and chanted various Sanskrit hymns and performed a kind of diksha or initiation ritual and invested me with a sacred thread. He touched the top of my head (blessing). This was all quite foreign to me at the time!

Not knowing who the man was in the beginning until later, I didn’t know what to think.  If it was Lahiri Mahasaya, was this man Babaji, the immortal Guru that Paramhansa Yoganand talks about? The man who initiated me did look more like Shiva-forms, especially Dakshinamurthi, the initiating form of Shiva, who in human form was said to be Sri Ramana Maharishi!

Vasishtha Ganapati Muni was a great disciple of Sri Ramana Maharishi, India’s greatest modern Vedantist or Monist and Self-Realised Seer, and also was a devotee of Sri Aurobindo and the Mother, of whom inspired his works on the Vedas. When I later saw pictures of Vasishtha Ganapati, I knew it was him of whom I had seen in my vision! He was also an incarnation of Ganesh. At the earlier time - all Indian men with small beards looked the same! But this one was a more bald-form of Lahiri Mahasaya with a more prominent forehead. When I first saw Vasishtha Ganapati, I was shocked it was this man I had seen!

When meditating later, on Goddess Chinnamasta herself, a flash of insight came - Min-nath meant Agastya Muni, the immortal Seer of southern India and of Shiva, not Matsyendra, the immortal Yogi, commonly called Meenanath (Matsya and Meena both mean ‘Fish’)!.

Of course - Agastya was called "Mina" on account of his diminutive form, and also his being born in a matsya-kumbha or fish-jar at his birth, similar to Matsyendranath of the North and his birth in a fish. The two are hence similar; Agastya is also the founder of Yogi and Siddha orders South, while Matsyendra is the same North. Both are avatars of Shiva. 

Yogis can often manifest themselves and past personalities, especially when projected from the Mahat- the cosmic intelligence, which stores all that has occured in the past. They can literally often "meet themselves" or past incarnations as a result of past vasanas (mental impressions) and also projection of the Cosmic Psyche or Mahat. Here, we often become our own "teachers". Various Rishis also can take one another's forms as well, even of out past. 

Natha means Lord in general.  Vasishtha Ganapati Muni was a master of Sanskrit words also, and possibly used such a term to denote Agastya also, connecting them.

The illusions shattered. The hill was Arunachala, not somewhere near Nepal as I earlier thought in my deluded states. This also further explains the strange initiation ceremonies and accounts of Shiva. It was perhaps Dakshinamurthi that initiated me. Although, his behaviour was rather odd like a Paagal Baba (Mad Saint)!

Strangely, I often saw Agastya's ashrams here on NZ Coasts when I was young and always felt an affinity to him from a young age. I had also dedicated a sacred rock at the top of our hills here as NZ's Arunachala having Shiva-energy, resting on the rim of an ancient volcano. I felt Sri Ramana's presence at many times there, and found a Shivapadam or Shiva's foot-print image there naturally made from the stones.

For some reason, it appears that Ganapati Muni had some connection there to me, but as noted, I only discovered these clues later on. Ganapati Muni of the Vasishtha lineage however was also important, as relating to Agastya Rishi, Vasishtha was his brother. Both were seen as incarnations of Shiva's energy.

The deeper connection I felt with Vamadeva Shastri (Dr David Frawley) through his works and guidance from an early age was also perhaps the explanation for this, since he has been very closely connected to Ganapati Muni and Sri Ramana Maharishi and continued their works and teachings.

I first communicated with him when I was about 17 years old also, with regards to my desire to write a book on Vedic India to counter the many false comments made about India, and also shared some of my own findings re the Vedas, which he encourged and took an interest in my experiences with the Goddess and Shiva. There were also many points that we shared correlations on, without me being exposed the the greater sphere of his works at the time. Although I was still young, he explained to me the importance of the Atma-Guru or the Deity as the Self-Guru, such as I had experienced with Shiva and the Goddess, and the importance of holding that vision and realisation, as opposed to going after physical Gurus, which were secondary, as a result of my past Yogic samskaras or karmic traits from my past lives that had continued in this, allowing these inner connections to manifest.

After asking my birth details and doing my Astrological chart, Vamadeva also gave me some personal guidance to ponder, as also clues of how my future would unfold, as also the connections in my chart with Shiva and the Goddess, and the past-life samskaras or traits. At the time I was quite skeptical. However, my life has unfolded in this manner and encouraged me more to study the Vedas, Jyotish or Vedic Astrology and Ayurveda along with my Tantric Yoga (which included aspects anyway). This is also how I became more acquainted with the works and teachings of Vasishtha Ganapati Muni, of whom he also looked up to as an inspiration and guide for his works on the Goddess, the Vedas and Tantra, which were my initial concerns and the basis of my earlier books or works.

It was the blessing of Ganapati Muni who also, in Kerala several years later, helped me find at night not only a rare Mariamma (Renuka) Temple  in a rare pocket Tamil community in Kerala that I had been searching for in vain!

Walking along a dangerous main highway at night, a friend and sadhaki (female sadhak or spiritual aspirant) of mine tried to grasp our way in the dark as we walked from the previous French town of Mahe, when I noticed a board with Tamil writing not Malayalam in the dim light of passing cars, and a temple to the Goddess. In scanty light within the darkness of the night, I could make out the term Mariamman in Tamil script! Not only was it a temple to Mariamman, the Southern counterpart of Chinnamasta, but also it was the night of their sacred rituals to the Goddess, occurring once a year and included worship of the goddess in the form of serpents (naags). A Tamil man welcomed us in and explained the annual significance of the performance and rituals that we took part in.

I won't go into the personal nature of the experiences we had that night, but they were quite transformative and beyond the rational mind if we like. It was the start of weeding out many of the rationalist Arya Samaj traits (or samskaras) I formally had (which I have to reiterate, my Mother never adhered to, only my Nana - maternal grandfather, from which my influence came, as also from Maharishi Dayanand's works), as there are many events that occured on that night that go beyond the rationale of the mind and reinforced my devotion (bhakti) to the Goddess! It is interesting to note that my Father's Aja (paternal grandfather)  was Tamil, and hence our family name! My father remembers him as a very dark man - hence the trait on his side of the family also to tan quickly!

It was during this time that I was also doing the sadhana of the Navarna mantra to the Goddess on the local beach, which had such natural flows of shakti or the presence of the Goddess and also a prime location from which I gave deeksha or initiation of this mantra to others as a result.

Gurudeva Sivaya Subramuniyaswami, another great devotee of Shiva who brought Shaivism to the West I also shared a deeper connection with in my earlier years. and of whom I saw as one of my earlier guides on a subtle level through his daily inspirations and teachings, and books such as "Merging with Shiva", "Dancing with Shiva" and "Loving Ganesha" etc. I still feel his strong presence today and subtle guidance.

I had at the time never seen pictures of their Ashram of Monastery at the time in Hawaii, nor visited there, although had a strong desire to visit, but never got there (I was very poor when I was younger, having left home at an early age and pursue studies in Broadcasting). I had a strange dream one night in which he appeared and initiated me into various mantras to Shiva and lead me to various shrines, of which I remember seeing Dakshinamurthi the initiator-form of Shiva outside and also an image of Karttikeya or Skand, the war-god with his six heads and many arms with tiles and greenery in his backdrop of his shrine. He spent some time in front of Skand (known in Southern India as Murugan) as the Pandits were doing pooja and giving me various blessings and such.

At the time, I thought it was a strange. Later however - some years later in fact, I was browsing their website Online, which had pictures of the Ashram and deities. I was awe-struck to see the image of Dakshinamurthi and Karttikeya I had seen in this dream-vision years earlier, and looked identical to the ones I had seen in the Ashram complex! Once again, my visions had given me insight into some paranormal experiences beyond the rational mind.

The Inner Guide is always there to guide us. In my time practising Vamamarga or Left-Hand Tantric ritualism, I was awoken one night by my bed shaking, as if an earthquake. I woke up, looked around and all seemed calm. I tried to get to sleep and it occured again. I laid back in bed about to drift off, when it violently occured again and the room filled with light. Out of it, from a foamy-type watery substance that appeared to manifest at the foot of my bed, arose Nila-Narayana, the Blue-Narayan or Four-Armed Vishnu, the Preserver-God. He looked sternly at me and conveyed to stop practising the Vamamarga Path and poised his chakra (discus), lifting it as if to throw it at me. I was more than terrified. I was petrified at the time and I'm sure my heart stopped! I was wringing with sweat and my heart was thumping so hard I could feel the bed bounce up and down! Needless to say - I stopped practising the Vamamarga after this and began to adopt a more sattvic or pure approach to lifestyle and practices!

Another vision of Vishnu I had was of Sri Krishna, of who I have always seen as Kali-Yuga Vishwaguru or the Cosmic Guru of the Kali-Yuga, the current age of ignorance. He and Kali often take alternate forms in Tantra and when meditating on Kali, I would often see her morph into the baby Krishna being the Natkhat (Mischevious) boy with his tongue poking out in jest, or Krishna morphing into Kali. I often saw him as more Shiva-energy as an avatar of Shiva as the Guru, not so much Vishnu as he is commonly seen. He was also a devotee of Krishna and is very much like Murugan or Karttikeya, the son of Shiva as a Divine Youth-Warrior and Jnani or Seer of Wisdom.

This vision of Krishna was interesting. He appeared to me in a vision as we were walking down a road talking philosophy and in his loving manner, after asking him a question "Do you dislike the actions of some people?" he responded, smiling, with "I don't hate anyone. I don't care for anyone either! I see only them as equal! There is no good or bad!". This was also a time in my premature spiritual stage, and I wasn't able to work out his higher Vedantic expression here then! I remember upon coming out of this state actually thinking "What a useless and stupid thing he has said! It's meaningless!". Years later when I took up a deeper study and understanding of Vedanta however, I understood what he meant; at that time I had also not had access to a deeper discussion of his Geeta also.

Since then however, whenever I have fallen into states of depression and woe, I have felt his hand on my shoulder, as he was in the vision, and with words of comfort, often non-dualistic in tone, or even inspirational to comfort me - which would come from nowhere! I would feel his presence and see his beautiful glow, which in itself was enough to snap me out of temporal states!

In my youth where I fought the will of my Mother, he was much an inspiration. I attempted many times to even give up my body through the Yogic practice of exiting through the Brahmarandhra at the top of the skull by taking the udanavayu or up-miving breath up through there to liberation. The first time I tried this, I felt him pushing my Consciousness back down and saying "Giving up are we? Just like Arjun! But, at least he learnt! Now, stop this obession with the body and complete your mission as he did! Don't give up just because of a silly thing a silly person has said!".

Krishna is firm, but often sarcastic, which softens his energies and teachings, which are very subtle. He also initiates us into the deeper subtleties and opens us up to higher Gurus, and I see him as another manifestation of the energy of the Divine Guru form of Shiva, Dakshinamurthi, although as noted, tradition sees him as Vishnu's incarnation or avatar. Dakshinamurthi is also consort of Lalita or Kameshwari, the blissful goddess of beauty (Sundari), of whom he is also connected to in Tantra, as Kameshwara, her consort.

I remembering once chanting his mantra and listening to some bhajans from the local Hare Krishna temple. My Mother came in my room and disurpted my meditation (this was also the time of her 'Pentecostal Possession' as I call it): "What is the use of all this! Stop chanting these stupid mantras and not eating meat! It's nonsense!" she protested. I said nothing but was very upset. I prayed to Kali, "Oh Mother! My mortal Mother is but a manifestation of your energy! Can't you at least cut me some slack and go easy on me? I cannot meditate with this constant oppression!". Also angry at Krishna, I said "You want me to chant your mantra - and yet you make it so difficult!" and then heard the inner voice of Krishna respond "Well - you could always help the cause by convincing her of the power of Bhakti-prem (Devotional love) of the mantra and prove her wrong!".

I did this and noticed she came back in the room and apologised (unusual for her!). "You really seem to be enjoying chanting and the bhajans!" she smiled. Odd, I thought, from her outburst a few moments ago! Of course, such experiences also reinforced my faith in the Divine and also sadhana or spiritual practices.

My prayers for several years were that my parents would accept my path, which they finally not only did, but also joined me also. My Father, more of a skeptical man who had a somewhat atheistic and later Catholic upbringing also now fully supports my goal, works and teachings and often asks for advice on various matters, including Astrology and Spiritualism, which he formally half-heartedly believed and rolled his eyes at often, thinking it some kind of useless waste of time.

When I took up Ayurveda however, this all changed for me - I was fortunate that my Mother did strongly believe in and practiced Ayurveda - always praising the several uses of Tulsi (Ocimum sacntum) and Haldi (Turmeric - Cucuma longa) and researching herbs herself, leaving behind many unpublished manuscripts. She was also keen on Astrology, having been cured of Asthma in her youth by performing poojas (unknown to her Father, but on request of her Mother who saw the karmic implications behind it). It was sad that she ended up in an almost dual-natuure through most of her life, due to Nana's influence on her and repressing her natural tendancies or samskaras, which did come up every now and then (I call her a neo-Arya Samaji).

My main goal from youth was to never end up life her, oscillating between spiritual and worldly realities and be dictated to by family and peer-pressure, which is why I now have limited contact with only few family members, except close relatives.

Another of the greatest connections to Dakshinamurthi  was his consort, Lalita Tripurasundari or Kameshwari, as I noted previously. After my initial initiations from him, I also went through a period where I chanted Lalita's mantra and felt a strong sense of grace, peace and also shakti or power arise from them. I used to meditate and listen to the Lalita mantra. On one occasion that I recall vividly, I went into a deep state of meditation, where I heard her mantras as merely a vibrating "OM" sound and felt as if I was in the centre of a chakra or wheel or power. It was revealed to me that I was in the midst of the Sri-Yantra and perceived the deeper aspect of Lalita as Maya or illusion, but more in the primal form as the maya-shakti or power of maya beyond the physical manifestations, which are but waves upon it. I "saw" as it were, waves of energy all around me and I became immersed in this Consciousness, which was almost like a web or trap, having some kind of deep mohan-shakti  or power of attraction and enchantment. I perceived the deeper levels or layers of Maya that several years later, I would expand upon in a more intricate manner than the usual. I understood the power of the Goddess and her aspects of attraction. It took me some time to be able to come out of this deep state of Yogic trace or samadhi, as also, the bliss experienced made one so distanced from the world, that one did not want to remain apart from it!

At several times since (that was in my teens!), I have seen the world unfold as her. I remember at one time being very depressed and walking down the road to my home, to see suddenly everything opening up as her and all noises and sights fading away! I saw her behind these "images" we can call the world and various labels, shapes etc. we call as cities, people and the world. People, cars, lamp-posts, roads and trees - all became and her energies. I saw people rushing about thinking that they were something apart from her energy, but were trapped in the avidyaa or ignorance that they were the body, and were immersed in their thoughts, rushing about like wild animals, unconscious of their true inner nature. I was merely a witness alone. Lalita had, by her grace, placed me in the state of sakshi bhava or the attitude of the witness, so that I could see that the world and all things - even my body and thoughts, were nothing but a manifestation of her energy. Our true nature is the witness alone. I hence began to see her in all and beauty in all, when I returned to my state, as she "covered the world" again as I call it - restoring me to the conditioned world, where that inner realisation of silence dissapeared, and the noises of the world and appearances again manifested!

It is only as noted in later years after many lessons and visions, I was able to and have been able to correlate them properly, as my prarabdha or my current karmas have unfolded or allowed to flow and been accessed naturally by Grace of the Devi and Shiva. They seem to like mystery and play, not so much obvious or the more literal approach. They open up beejas or seeds or give them to us and plant them and then allow us to work out the rest by ourselves, as the seed grows and matures into a tree, or as our prarabdha unfolds more - which sometimes, if we allow them, occurs sometimes as a massive gush or torrent by unleashing them, which then allows us to overcome the negative of the past and embrace the positive insights after the storm, as it were.

Through all of this, I have always also seen Shiva as the inner Guru and initiator, and since the inner ceremonies and initiations years ago, found I could take up chanting of mantras and also results in poojas (rituals) or homas (fire ceremonies and offerings), even in simplified forms, having the desired effects and results, which take others a much longer time. This is perhaps due to my positive past samskaras or traits.

I am not much for ritualism, although I perform simple rituals from what I used to years ago. I have developed my own style if you like, as per the inner flow - but encourage others to perform the classical ones. Each of us has a unique flow according to our karmic ripening, and we cannot just adopt a "one size fits all" approach. It has to been individualised as per the person or sadhak - the spiritual aspirant and what best suits them as per their own flow. Connecting to Shiva as the inner guide and Guru however and the Goddess, helps manifest or throw light on these, if one allows it.

The odd part about these visions is that at the times, I didn’t know many concepts taught there – at least, not in this lifetime! It often shocked me to learn after such visions, that words and teachings I discovered were not only real, but accurate and part of deeper Yogic traditions, that would later dawn upon me and take the shape of many works and teachings, including new sadhanas (spiritual practices) and mantras.

The key in all of this is to awaken sattvas or purity, or at least strive at incorporating it in our own lives, even if starting off with simple mantras or chants, prayers and devotions to the Deity, which will then help one manifest the inner flow and connect to the Deity in a more personal manner as a friend, Guru etc. not as a "God" apart from us, but a manifestation of the Cosmic Consciousness, of which we are all part of in Reality and a manifestation of our True Self - whether your Ishta or chosen deity be Krishna, Shiva, Kali, Allah, Jesus or Mary! See your Deity in all others' deities also, as but manifestations or forms of them, not as separate "Gods" as such!

For some, this flow may even come naturally or unfold naturally, as it did for me. For others, it takes time, depending upon past karmas or actions in past lives and the samskaras or tendancies manifested accordingly, that come out now in the prarabdha or current umnfolding karma of this life:

“Those who had engaged in the study of shastras (sacred texts) in their previous birth becomes endowed with sattvas (quality of purity and clarity) and able to remember their previous lives.

“Karmas (actions) which a person performed in his earlier life, he will attain the same nature (guna) when he is born again”
(Sushruta Samhita, Sharira Sthana. II. 57-58)